& it feels nice.

I really missed this feeling.

It's different this time, it feels genuine.

The innocence of it all is what really makes me smile.

The whole not knowing how to act or what to do.

It's not even like oh this is a mystery, it's truly just nerves.

Nerves because it's exciting and it's new.

You smile at me and we both look down because we can't help but just smile more.

& then we catch on that everyone else notices.

Awkward but that's what makes it.

This year is almost over and I can't wait for what else it has in store.

Old poem I forgot I had written here it goes:

I bet it stung.
You know I'm going to be just fine & that's what kills you the most.
The words are meaningless at this point.
But I know I will always be in the back of your head.
Maybe I was the one that got away.
But neither of us will ever know.
You can't take back what you said & I'm gone.
Like a cigarette burning slowly you knew our time was up.
Sometimes what you think is the greatest love can be the biggest mistake.
We wanted things neither of us could give each other.
You were in love with the idea of what we could be instead of realizing what we were.


But I am sorry, because I could never love you like you loved me.

& have that much more of an extraordinary story to share.

The Truth is none us are where we thought we would be.
More than half of us are not even close to where we thought we would be in life right now.
Not that we are stranded in a ditch and dying or anything to that extreme.
But we are just not where we expected.
Maybe our expectations were just too high?
No my friend shit just happens.
Shit happens and you deal with that shit, no You learn to adapt to whatever shit is going on.
You learn to co-exist with the shit and then learn that the shit is just a part of life now & in turn completely forget how it was before the shit even happened.
Sometimes, Shit is just shit and we have to just brush it off.
Because in all honesty it is just a different day but the same shit.
Shit.
It's the best way to describe it.


So why dwell on Shit?
Yeah maybe you are not in the school or relationship or life you thought you would have.
But circumstances and life just happens.
Shit just happens.

If you want something bad enough

& you know it's worth it

There is no excuse for you to not have it.

& I want it.

Now to make it happen.

Goodnight<3

Love Actually

Love Actually, is all around us.

We as human beings have free will and with that free will we have a choice.

A choice to be happy or unhappy.

Sometimes we don't even consciously make the decision to be unhappy.

Maybe sometimes it is just the SHIT circumstances we are put in.

Too much on your plate

Too little on your plate

Either way we are unsatisfied and are left craving more.

Instead of the glass being half empty or half full, why not just drink the whole damn thing and start over?

& Instead of being completely and utterly miserable why not realize that

Love Actually, is all around us.

Maybe not in the most significant of ways.

But sometimes it is the insignificant that prove to show us what really matters.

Don't be afraid to feel.

To feel sad, happy, sarcastic, angry, melancholy, shit even constipated!

FEEL IT ALL!

& embrace it all!

Maybe not so much the constipated, you can handle that in your own privacy.

But steering from the point!

Don't you see?

Love Actually, is all around us.

We are just all too busy sometimes to realize it.

I believe that we all have this BIG GREAT LOVE inside of us that most of us are afraid of.

Or maybe don't even know we are capable of even loving something or someone that much.

Love is a many splendor thing.

Love is many thing with many names.

Love is in a kiss.

Love is in a hug.

Love is in a smile.

Love is the most common and greatest gift you can ever share with someone.

Love is what I wish to share with someone.

Love is what I want to share with you.

Love Actually, is all around us.

Love is what i feel for you.

Love is in the middle of my next sentence.

I Love You.

I love.

I love to be loved.

I love the feeling of being loved.

And with this need, well the need we all need.

We look for love in every direction.

Not in romantic, just in acceptance.

We want to be wanted.

We want to be loved.

I love.

I love to be loved.

I love the feeling of being loved.

And with this need, well the need we all need.

We give you the benefit of the doubt.

When really you never gave us a reason too.

We are fragile.

I love to be loved.

I love the feeling of being loved.

And with this need, well the need we all need.

We hold onto people.

We are on the verge of breaking.

So we hold on because we are so deathly afraid.

Afraid to actually admit that maybe We are Alone.

I love.

I love to be loved.

I love the feeling of being loved.

And with this need, well the need we all need.

Sometimes we need to be devastated.

Not to feel the pain, but maybe just to feel.

Sometimes you need to admit you to feel anything at all to realize the bigger picture.

You are beautiful.

You are loved.

And with this need, well the need we all need.

Sometimes all we need is to hear that.

I love.

I love to be loved.

But more than that I love you.