Dreaming with a Broken Heart

i love you so much it hurts.

even saying that breaks my heart just a little more.

Misery loves company, but here is the kicker i don't even want anybody.

It should be misery loves solitude, no more like DESERVES solitude.

i cried & vented all i could.

my best friend made me make her a promise.

Tonight i cry, Tonight i mope & in the morning when i wake,

I DON'T GIVE  FUCK.

i can't keep doing this to myself.

i can't keep holding on.

it won't happen over night i know that.

but in my sick little universe i created.

i created us to be together & so me holding on makes it easier for me to get throughout the day feeling that if for whatever reason you did come back i would have the satisfaction of knowing i was right.

& well if you didn't come back then it wouldn't as bad.

BUT

you see if i did move on completely and you were to come back and it not work out, well then that pain my love would kill me.

Do you see these ridiculous scenarios that i have created?

I am a ridiculous person.

I just want to be okay already.

I don't want these lingering thoughts.

I love you but when I can learn to love myself more?

Images of Broken Light.

I'm kind of just desensitized to it all. 

Life I mean.

as I listen to Vampire Weekend, "The Kids Don't Stand a Chance". appropriate timing i feel for the mood i am in. i don't know how i am supposed to feel.

maybe nostalgic? life just seems to be flying by and all i want to do lay here under the covers.

before i know it, it is going to be morning and i start my monotonous day once again.

Oh now Mumford&Sons.

literally my new obsession. "in these bodies we live, in these bodies we die"

oh that sounded creepy...

Maybe I am just really crazy, but are we not all a little crazy?

Were just all fucked up, on a quest to find someone equally as fucked or someone more. 

I mean as humans we love a challenge, freudian slip? 

No correction darwinism instinct? 

Seriously we are all fucked. It's like were in a contest to who is more fucked up.

And the winner is? Jesus don't i sound nuts.

maybe the kicker is that i am the normal one.

People are strange, when you're a stranger.

Goodnight.