i love you so much it hurts.
even saying that breaks my heart just a little more.
Misery loves company, but here is the kicker i don't even want anybody.
It should be misery loves solitude, no more like DESERVES solitude.
i cried & vented all i could.
my best friend made me make her a promise.
Tonight i cry, Tonight i mope & in the morning when i wake,
I DON'T GIVE FUCK.
i can't keep doing this to myself.
i can't keep holding on.
it won't happen over night i know that.
but in my sick little universe i created.
i created us to be together & so me holding on makes it easier for me to get throughout the day feeling that if for whatever reason you did come back i would have the satisfaction of knowing i was right.
& well if you didn't come back then it wouldn't as bad.
BUT
you see if i did move on completely and you were to come back and it not work out, well then that pain my love would kill me.
Do you see these ridiculous scenarios that i have created?
I am a ridiculous person.
I just want to be okay already.
I don't want these lingering thoughts.
I love you but when I can learn to love myself more?
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