Things used to be, now they not
Anything but us is who we are
Disguising ourselves as secret lovers
We’ve become public enemies
We walk away like strangers in the street
Gone for eternity
We erased one another
So far from where we came
With so much of everything, how do we leave with nothing
Lack of visual empathy equates the meaning of L-O-V-E
Hatred and attitude tear us entirely

Blame Game-Kanye West.

Happiness:

Something to do

Something to Love

& something to hope for.

Now all I am looking for is something to do, to love, and most of all hope for.

And then I will be happy.

I refuse to settle.

Because it wasn't till today till I realized how much I am capable.

Let the party start.

To be Thankful.

I don't know what to be thankful for.

Things could be worse & I guess I am thankful for that.

I am thankful to have someone to listen.

Just one. 

I don't need many, just one person.

And for that I am thankful.

Thankful to be alive, for the most part.

I know not your typical holiday cheer, right?

When I write this I am oddly laughing to myself.

I am thankful to be alone.

I am thankful for my thoughts & only my thoughts.

I know this sounds horribly pessimistic but really it's more of a revelation.

You don't need others to tell you something is wrong or to tell you that everything is going to be okay.

Because even though they are trying to be there for you.

Who are they to you and your problem?

Do they really know what it feels like?

You have to learn to stand by yourself to ever stand at all.

I am Thankful for this battle I fight alone.

I want to become acutely aware of everything I have taken for granted.

I've got dreams to remember-Ottis Redding

Pillow Talk

I thought I felt you between my legs.

I thought I felt you graze your hand up my thigh.

I thought I felt you sigh.

I thought I felt you bring me closer.

I knew what you were doing.

I knew once I looked up that would be it.

Quivering lip, I look up.

& you smile.

God that imperfect smile.

Oh shit.

And now your I feel your lips.

I remember this kiss.

I remember your hand slightly moving past my cheek 

I remember you pushing my hair back

I knew what you were doing.

I knew what I was doing.

I knew that this is not how it should be, but I didn't care.

Because for that moment you were mine.

I knew that once it was over even though you were holding me that you would be holding Her later.

But that moment, that one moment you were mine.

& I didn't care.

I Miss You

You were the one to always pick me up.

Even when I did not realize I was falling.

Family is like a pillar.

When one of us falls, we all do.

I have fallen.

Where are you to pick me up?

This process never gets easier.

It just gets more bearable.

Or at least that is what I like to convince myself.

But who am I kidding?

Where are you pick me up?

I can't do this.

Please, I am begging.

Can I just close my eyes & wake up from this nightmare?

I Miss You.

& that in itself never gets easier, nor will it ever.