Things used to be, now they not
Anything but us is who we are
Disguising ourselves as secret lovers
We’ve become public enemies
We walk away like strangers in the street
Gone for eternity
We erased one another
So far from where we came
With so much of everything, how do we leave with nothing
Lack of visual empathy equates the meaning of L-O-V-E
Hatred and attitude tear us entirely

Blame Game-Kanye West.

Happiness:

Something to do

Something to Love

& something to hope for.

Now all I am looking for is something to do, to love, and most of all hope for.

And then I will be happy.

I refuse to settle.

Because it wasn't till today till I realized how much I am capable.

Let the party start.

To be Thankful.

I don't know what to be thankful for.

Things could be worse & I guess I am thankful for that.

I am thankful to have someone to listen.

Just one. 

I don't need many, just one person.

And for that I am thankful.

Thankful to be alive, for the most part.

I know not your typical holiday cheer, right?

When I write this I am oddly laughing to myself.

I am thankful to be alone.

I am thankful for my thoughts & only my thoughts.

I know this sounds horribly pessimistic but really it's more of a revelation.

You don't need others to tell you something is wrong or to tell you that everything is going to be okay.

Because even though they are trying to be there for you.

Who are they to you and your problem?

Do they really know what it feels like?

You have to learn to stand by yourself to ever stand at all.

I am Thankful for this battle I fight alone.

I want to become acutely aware of everything I have taken for granted.

I've got dreams to remember-Ottis Redding

Pillow Talk

I thought I felt you between my legs.

I thought I felt you graze your hand up my thigh.

I thought I felt you sigh.

I thought I felt you bring me closer.

I knew what you were doing.

I knew once I looked up that would be it.

Quivering lip, I look up.

& you smile.

God that imperfect smile.

Oh shit.

And now your I feel your lips.

I remember this kiss.

I remember your hand slightly moving past my cheek 

I remember you pushing my hair back

I knew what you were doing.

I knew what I was doing.

I knew that this is not how it should be, but I didn't care.

Because for that moment you were mine.

I knew that once it was over even though you were holding me that you would be holding Her later.

But that moment, that one moment you were mine.

& I didn't care.

I Miss You

You were the one to always pick me up.

Even when I did not realize I was falling.

Family is like a pillar.

When one of us falls, we all do.

I have fallen.

Where are you to pick me up?

This process never gets easier.

It just gets more bearable.

Or at least that is what I like to convince myself.

But who am I kidding?

Where are you pick me up?

I can't do this.

Please, I am begging.

Can I just close my eyes & wake up from this nightmare?

I Miss You.

& that in itself never gets easier, nor will it ever.

Quelqu'un m'a dit (Carla Bruni)

I’m told that our lives aren’t worth much,

They pass like an instant, like wilting roses.

I’m told that time slipping by is a bastard

Making its coat of our sorrows.

Yet someone told me…

That you still loved me

Someone told me…

That you still loved me.

Well ? Could that be possible?

I’m told that fate makes fun of us,

That it gives us nothing and promises everything,

When happiness seems to be within our reach,

We reach out and find ourselves like fools.

Yet someone told me…

That you still loved me

Someone told me…

That you still loved me.

Well ? Could that be possible?

Well ? Could that be possible?

So who said that you still loved me?
I don’t remember any more, it was late at night,
I can still hear the voice, but I can no longer see the face,
“He loves you, it’s secret, don’t tell him I told you.”
You see, someone told me

That you still loved me

Did someone really tell me?

That you still loved me

Well, could that be possible?

I’m told that our lives aren’t worth much,
Passing in an instant, like wilting roses,
I’m told that time slipping by is a bastard,
Making its coat of our sadnesses.

That you still loved me

Someone told me…

That you still loved me.

Well ? Could that be possible?

My favorite song from 500 days of summer, translated from French :]

Is it still me that makes you sweat?

Boy calls girl.

Girl's reaction:

Heart Stops

Catches Breathe

Butterflies go away.

Girl responds.

Boy: Hey, how have you been?

Girl thinks why do you care?

Girl: Great, how about you?

Well as much as I would love to be the optimist.

The truth is:

I love you, but I love me more.

& it is about time I start working on that relationship.

"tonight every street in the city

ends up where I don't want to be

the signs tell me how far I am from you

even though you're all that I see"

Left my head and heart on the dance floor

I truly do not want to care anymore.

I don't miss you.

But there is not a day that does not go by that I do not think about you.

I miss what we were.

& I want that back.

Why do I get left with nothing except the memories that stab me back?

I want the feeling back.

I want to be able to have this feeling, but with someone else.

I am done with the lingering thought of what we were.

I want new experiences with someone.

I loved being loved by you.

But now it's time for me to move on.

It's going to be alright.

It's a promise I have made with myself

& I intend on keeping it.

"Close your eyes and I'll kiss you

Tomorrow I'll miss you

Remember I'll always be true,

And then while I'm away,

I'll write to you everyday

And I'll send all my loving to you,

All my loving, I will send to you

All my loving darling I'll be true."

-Beatles 

Heaven at Nite

"Have you ever been to Heaven at Night

Closing your eyes the feeling so right"

Where are We?

"I might get your heart racing

In my skin-tight jeans

Be your teenage dream tonight"

Before it's too late enjoy the little things

&

"I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back"

do things for you & only you.

Because before you know it you will be trapped in a life you had no idea you even had.

There is no day but today.

We make our beds and must sleep in them.

So who cares if you left it a mess, we are all a bunch of messes.

Nobody knows where my Johnny at...

What is it that I exactly want?

I just don't want to settle.

I settle for everything in my life.

I give up before even trying.

But when you look at my attitude that may seem out of character.

I settle for things in life because to me they are not important.

Now how does that make any sense?

I want it all at once.

I am impatient and irrational.

I want it all.

Success is measured for me in happiness.
& it's been long since i have been happy.

Not that I am completely miserable.

But I am miserable knowing it can be better.

I deserve better.

I have had better and I want to quit with the comparisons.

I want something new.

Something Fresh & Exciting.

I want LOVE.

& somebody to Love.

I want a love so Big, so Grand that I don't know what to do with it all.

I want to be baffled.

Speechless.

I want a LOVE that leaves me speechless.

That keeps me guessing, but never doubting.

& with this love i want a kiss.

but not just any kiss.

i want something EXTRAORDINARY 

I want a kiss that will give me butterflies every time.

I want the fireworks, the world to stop, to forget where i am, & my foot to pop like in the black and white movies.

I want a Love that is not simple.

I want to be challenged.

I want to change to be better for this person & for this person whoever they are out there to feel the same.

I don't want them to settle.

I want a Love so BIG, so Grand.

I want them to be left speechless & feel fireworks.

Now when it comes to love.

I know it takes hard work.

& I guess now I just want someone to stand out.

I hate admitting it.

My biggest fear is to be alone.

& with everything in my life I guess you could say I settle or give up because what is the use in having everything when you can't have anyone to share it with?

The greatest thing you will ever learn is to love and be loved in return.

I am a firm believer in that everybody has a somebody.

As pessimistic as I am.

I am a hopeless romantic waiting to be swept off my feet.

But before i do this I need to learn to love the damn fool I am.

“If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you will have a difficult time loving anyone since you’ll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren’t even giving to yourself.”

— Barbara de Angelis

I deserve this LOVE

& somewhere out there I know it is there.

& when I least expect it

Fireworks will set off, the world will stop, my foot will pop, & I will be left speechless

Only girl in the world.

i am dying for this Great BIG love.

but i can't keep searching for it...

i am dying for change.

i am craving, needing, begging.

i need change

baby i am on my knees.

i just need a kiss.

ONE KISS

i don't know why i want this kiss.

a kiss is just a kiss, correct?

maybe a kiss is never just a kiss.

and i want an extraordinary one.

i want to be okay.

can i find someone to love my imperfections?

to love my insecurities?

to find me beautiful, not cute, not sexy.

just beautiful.

but i must love myself with all these things first, right?

i deserve nothing less than extraordinary.

i want you, whoever you are.

i can't wait for the day when i can wake up and sigh with relief.

relief that today will actually be a new day.

not a routine.

just a change.

i am bored

&

lonely.

will someone keep me company as i run these riddles in my head?

but sometimes you need to stand alone to know that i can.

but when i do find you, whoever you.

fair warning:

FIN.